For Humor

[gralkik]

a squint-eyed rogue heads down an old central boulevard leading northwest into
some overgrown ruins.
You peer down an old central boulevard leading northwest into some overgrown ruins
and see ...

[Vatnfjall Ruins, Central Boulevard] (OutUrFrFl) [temperate] Chilly, Partly
Cloudy, Calm
Gnarled trees and dense foliage are slowly overcoming this section of the city,
twisting and writhing around the tall stonebuildings as they struggle ever higher
toward the sun. What was once a broad, solid flagstone boulevard has been greatly
uprooted and overtuned by the plants growing up from beneath it or between the
cracks separating individual flagstones. It is apparent the city once extended far
to the southeast, though everything in that direction has been completely overcome
by nature. To the northwest, the city ruins are yet safe from the encroaching
plantlife.
There is a cloud of fog here. The area is mostly quiet.
You also notice some sharpened wooden barricades.
Also here: a hulking canim brute (x4), a brawny canim greatclaw, a canim leaper
(down on all fours, lightly-armored) (x7),a canim scavenger (x6), a canim loper
(down on all fours, lightly-armored) (x7),a canim squatter (lightly-armored) (x4),
a canim squatter (lightly wounded, lightly-armored) and a squint-eyed rogue (
moderately wounded, lightly-armored).

A fate worse than death...

[Jirato]

Looks like someone wasn't set up on the global unique spawn list like they should have been...

gm possess Locke
Sending your body to the Crypt to await your return ...

[[]]

You are now controlling Master Artisan Locke.

[[Jirato is now possessing Master Artisan Locke.]]

(Walk around a bit)

(Actually go to Shadgard and hang out there for a couple hours...)

(Walk back to Haiban and return to Locke's office...)

[OFFDUTY]EAvd[[POSSESSING: Master Artisan Locke]]>
go door

You head through an ornate oak door.

[Artisan Compound, Locke's Office] { artisan_compound_3 | haiban_north | coalition } [spawn] (InUr)
This round room is ringed with thin, tall windows. A large ebonwood desk sits in the middle of the room with a cushy wool chair sitting behind it. Two large stained glass lamps sits on either side of the desk and a large door leads back out to the main room.
A few people are milling about the area. The area is completely silent.
Also here: Master Artisan Locke.
Obvious exits: none.


You are followed by a stocky black-armored hiresword.

[OFFDUTY]EAvd[[POSSESSING: Master Artisan Locke]]>

gm cget locke
You are now holding Master Artisan Locke.

[OFFDUTY]EAvd[[POSSESSING: Master Artisan Locke]]>
glance
You are holding Master Artisan Locke in your right hand.

[OFFDUTY]EAvd[[POSSESSING: Master Artisan Locke]]>
gm iedit unmake confirm
The Master Artisan Locke has been unmade. Poof.

gm release
[[Jirato is no longer possessing Master Artisan Locke.]]

Your surroundings grow blurry and indistinct for a moment as you release your possessed host.

[[]]

[Artisan Compound, Locke's Office] { artisan_compound_3 | haiban_north | coalition } [spawn] (InUr)
This round room is ringed with thin, tall windows. A large ebonwood desk sits in the middle of the room with a cushy wool chair sitting behind it. Two large stained glass lamps sits on either side of the desk and a large door leads back out to the main room.
A few people are milling about the area. The area is completely silent.
Also here: Master Artisan Locke and a stocky black-armored hiresword (heavily-armored).
Obvious exits: none.

There can be only one...

[Zeldryn]

[ESP-GRAY - Sapphire]: Doin' a bit o' drake huntin' out west if anyone cares to join me.

{Exactly one second later}

You head west, dripping wet.
[Dense Boscage] (OutJuBeSdDt) [tropical] Mild, Overcast, Calm
Several bushes surround the overbearing trees, almost obscuring a trail through them and deeper into the boscage. Thick, flowering vines twist and wind up the wide trunks and into the overhanging branches, blocking out most sunlight.
The area is poorly-lit. The area is mostly quiet.
Also here: a sleek white jungle drake (drenched).
Obvious paths: east, south (shallow).
EWAvdDr>
A sleek white jungle drake beats its massive wings, stirring up an exceptionally strong wind!
You are struck by hurricane-force winds!
You are sent hurtling southward!
[Dense Boscage] (OutWtrJuBeSdDt) [tropical] Mild, Overcast, Calm
A small groove through the sand and dirt keeps water from draining completely from this shallow indent, allowing the ocean to flow down it. Surrounding the area and blocking out most sunlight are several mahogany trees, each wrapped in several flowering vines.
The area is poorly-lit. The area is mostly quiet.
You recall that a chunk of raw lizard meat has been hidden here, which you may recover.
The area is flooded with shallow water.
Obvious paths: north (land), northeast (land), east (land).
You land in the shallow water with a splash!
22 crush damage to the left eye!
Socket crushed and eyeball popped.
Zeldryn has been defeated.

/Fin

[Sneaky]

I promise this was not intentional.
Only 100 times more funny when reading the post above, since this happened almost exactly afterward.
[ESP-GRAY - Blue-White]: Has anybody felt a strong wind today?

[ESP-GRAY - Eggplant]: Twas me. Sory.
[ESP-GRAY - Eggplant]: T'much stew.

[ESP-GRAY - Blue-White]: Oh... No... Not that *embarrassment* I mean a storm, or wind storm more specifically.

[ESP-GRAY - Eggplant]: Don' gotta be rude!

[ESP-GRAY - Eggplant]: Already said itwas me. Dun gotta pile on.

[ESP-GRAY - Blue-White]: You control the winds?

[ESP-GRAY - Eggplant]: After I eat t'much stew.

[ESP-GRAY - Eggplant]: The winds control me.

[ESP-GRAY - Blue-White]: I still think you're misunderstanding me... I want to find where it is very windy so I can study it. I am an elemancer of the university.

[Vazbol]

Speaking to Donovan, Tallan says, "You're still a great ass, Thumper."

Some may agree.

[Liani]

This was just so funny to me.

You hear the voice of Skyler say, "Bring them whenever, skyler is already ready."
You hear the voice of Skyler say, "Always."
You hear the voice of Sarina say, "Call the ghostys."
'Why is skyler talking about Skyler as if he weren't Skyler?
[FROM Leonardo (OOC)]: lol
You ask, "Why is skyler talking about Skyler as if he weren't Skyler?"
Leonardo closes his eyes a moment, after which a soft halo of golden light begins emanating from him.
You hear the voice of Sarina exclaim, "Ask Skyler!"

[Alila]

However it is this happened, thank you so so so so much.

In the large bird's nest you see a pewter mug.
The mug has a large handle on one side and a small number 8 etched into the bottom.
It is empty.

[Zeldryn]

You sniff yourself.
an infested hound exudes the unmistakable smell of BO.

That moment when you smell so bad that the game registers you as a zombified dog

[Vazbol]

Well, I guess this is technically correct...

Also here: [[a canim loper (down on all fours, lightly wounded, lying down, lightly-armored)]].

[Sneaky]

You shift to a sitting position, taking care not to reveal yourself in the process.
You hear the sound of approaching footsteps.
[Thaelsh Ruins, Central Intersect] (InCvRk)
The road intersects here, the passage south completely blocked by a massive collapse of stone and dirt. A small opening to the southwest leads into what was once a small #alley.
The area is shrouded in complete darkness. The world around you appears saturated in dark gray and green shades. The area is completely silent.
You also notice the corpse of a ghoul, a balanced iron javelin with a poplar hilt (x2), a flawless iron javelin with a poplar hilt inlaid with a lightning bolt, an acid-pitted bronze longsword, a corroded bronze kite shield and the remains of a rotting knight.
Also here: a writhing spectre (floating).
Obvious exits: north (dark), west (dark), east (dark).
Aren't these guys suppose to have balls and chains or something? You know, rattle rattle rattle.

[Vazbol]

[CHAT - Gunney]: i think that these treasure hunters are the richest guys in game who dress like homeless
[CHAT - Vazbol]: Ah another person notices. Too bad they have a tendency to crit people at the worst of time
[CHAT - Gunney]: they do
[CHAT - Gunney]: case in point...
You hear the deep, echoing toll of a bell in your mind. Your vision ripples as an image briefly forms in your mind's eye:
A damaged canvas-covered shanty rests near a rough-looking lean-to, several buckets are strewn around and the bits of a wooden bench sit scattered around. Several broken arrow shafts are scattered around, some holes in the lean-to and shanty evidence of more fighting. The ground is scored and debris is strewn about. Some of the shelters are still standing, but only just.
The mental image fades, leaving your vision clear once again.
(You can use the esp rescue command to send a pulse of your personal ESP color in response, in order to alert the dead that you're attempting to rescue them.)
(You recognize that as the Ebon Bandit Fort Battlements area.)
[CHAT - Vazbol]: That's going on the humor board

[Nobody]

Master Artisan Locke says, "We've received word that an associate in Shadgard just can't manage to find a single copper-bar to purchase. Bring 90 pounds of them to the market in Shadgard and sell them to the associate there."

You laugh at Master Artisan Locke.

Speaking to Master Artisan Locke, you amusedly reply, "Good one."

Master Artisan Locke says, "Alright, I've removed you from your previous task."

[Kent]

Master Artisan Locke says, "We've received word that an associate in Shadgard just can't manage to find a single copper-bar to purchase. Bring 90 pounds of them to the market in Shadgard and sell them to the associate there."

This could take the record for the unlikeliest tale ever told in the Lost Lands.

[Lemuel]

[ESP-GRAY - Violet-Blue]: I would appreciate if someone helps me getting my falx repaired.

Three faint chimes sound through the area, signalling the time.

[ESP-GRAY - Gunmetal-Gray]: I can help. who are you?

[ESP-GRAY - Violet-Blue]: I'm known as ohale. and you?

[ESP-GRAY - Gunmetal-Gray]: I yam Gunney!

[ESP-GRAY - Gunmetal-Gray]: Can you bring it to Shadgard?

[ESP-GRAY - Baby-Pink]: Mm, if only gunmetal repaired heavy heads.

[ESP-GRAY - Violet-Blue]: I am in the infested farmhouse at the moment but sure. thank you. for how much ?

[ESP-GRAY - Gunmetal-Gray]: I charge 100 riln per item.

[ESP-GRAY - Baby-Pink]: Any item, or just bladed weapons?

[ESP-GRAY - Gunmetal-Gray]: Baby-pink I am not entirely comfortable assisting someone of your profession.

[ESP-GRAY - Baby-Pink]: Don't quite what you think you have issue with a profession. What I count as one is putting down the opportunistic lifeforms that skulk about the quarantine.

[ESP-GRAY - Gunmetal-Gray]: Putting them down, that part I have no quarrel with; what I have a beef about, Baby-Pink, is putting them up.

[Vazbol]

That last line is as humorous as my inability to type tonight.

And oh dear, the rumors.

[Vazbol]

You hear the deep, echoing toll of a bell in your mind. Your vision ripples as an image briefly forms in your mind's eye:
The area consists of semiarid grassy flat plains. A river blocks passage to the northeast. The road forks in three different directions, branching northwest, northeast over a bridge, and south. A neatly cobbled path leads to a generously sized deep red building nestled between the split in the road. A slightly less neat dirt path leads around the back of the building where some large stables annexes the larger building.
The mental image fades, leaving your vision clear once again.
(You can use the esp rescue command to send a pulse of your personal ESP color in response, in order to alert the dead that you're attempting to rescue them.)
(You recognize that as the Shadgard Plains area.)
You've finished your forging, leaving your nail resting on the anvil. Using your curved steel blacksmith tongs, you plunge the finished item into the nearby trough of water causing steam to fill the air with a loud *HISSSSS*.
You smile as you look over your work, realizing you've managed to create quite the masterpiece.
(energy -30)
You have finished forging a masterfully-crafted bronze nail and take a closer look at your work.
That looks very nice.
You notice Neyah's crafting mark.
It is a tiny item, mainly made of bronze.
[ESP-GRAY - Baby-Pink]: Whoever just died. Please do that again. I seem to craft masterpieces.
[ESP-GRAY - Baby-Pink]: When it occurs.

[gralkik]

For those who know Vlora ... here is a little nugget.

Vlora begins playing a marching tune on her roughly sewn skin bagpipe with decent
style and solid technique.

(Vlora pants.)

Vlora says, "Wow, blowing that many pipes is exhausting."

Vlora grins.

Vlora sits down on some benches.

Vlora begins playing a regal tune on her roughly sewn skin bagpipe with decent
style and solid technique.

Vlora begins playing a regal tune on her roughly sewn skin bagpipe with decent
style and solid technique.

Vlora begins playing a regal tune on her roughly sewn skin bagpipe with decent
style and solid technique.

Vlora begins playing a fast tune on her roughly sewn skin bagpipe with decent
style and solid technique.

Vlora begins playing a fast tune on her roughly sewn skin bagpipe with decent
style and solid technique.

Esther heads north.

Speaking to Vlora, you say, "No commenet."

EMAvdBdSm>
Vlora begins playing a melancholy tune on her roughly sewn skin bagpipe with
decent style and solid technique.

Esther arrives from the north.

Vlora grins at you.

Esther sits down on some benches.

Esther gets up off some benches.

Esther heads west.

Speaking to a large establishment, Vlora says, "Want me to teach ya bagpiping?
looks like it suits you."

Ocelotl arrives from the west, wearing an eight-armed gray tepehuamatli demon
costume, riding a dark gray donkey.

Vlora says, "Yes. I can teach a building."

Vlora grins at Ocelotl.

Ocelotl dismounts from his dark gray donkey.

Ocelotl waves.

Two doves land on the statue momentarily before taking off again.

Ocelotl grins.

[ESP-GRAY - Argent]: I am going to teach the founder's inn to play a bagpipe...
haibanites, beware.

Ocelotl gives Vlora a friendly hug.

Esther arrives from the west.

Esther says, "I wants to see."

Ocelotl waves.

Vlora gives Ocelotl a friendly hug.

Ocelotl beams happily!

Vlora begins playing a marching tune on her roughly sewn skin bagpipe with decent
style and solid technique.

Esther sits down on some benches.

Ocelotl begins playing a loud tune on his roughly sewn skin bagpipe with slow and
halting technique.

Ocelotl begins playing a wandering tune on his roughly sewn skin bagpipe with
beginner's style and technique.

Speaking to a large establishment, Vlora says, "Firstly, you should have the
righte pipes to blow the pipes."

Esther snickers.

You stare at Vlora.

Ocelotl grins.

You peer quizzically at Vlora.

Vlora salutes a large establishment with her roughly sewn skin bagpipe.

Speaking to a large establishment, Vlora says, "Then... you might need some
aeromancers to help blow the pipes or you know ... though a bunch of people
breaking wind also helps."

Esther laughs, snorting through her nose!

Speaking to Ocelotl, Vlora says, "So want me to teach you how to blow pipes
properly."

Vlora begins playing a marching tune on her roughly sewn skin bagpipe with decent
style and solid technique.

Ocelotl nods.

Speaking to Esther, Vlora says, "You too, looks like you'll be good at it."

Vlora begins playing a marching tune on her roughly sewn skin bagpipe with decent
style and solid technique.

Vlora begins playing a marching tune on her roughly sewn skin bagpipe with decent
style and solid technique.

Ocelotl begins playing a loud tune on his roughly sewn skin bagpipe with
beginner's style and technique.

Vlora gets up off some benches.

(Saeldor looks at Vlora with a deadpan.)

Vlora gives Ocelotl some advice and pointers regarding the Bagpipes skill, then
they go through a few practice exercises together.
Vlora says, "I'm serious."

Ocelotl smiles at Vlora.

Speaking to Vlora, Esther says, "I dunno abouts that, but sure. Won't hurt to
try."

Vlora says, "You need to hold the pipes right... be gentle with your fingering,
and stop pressing the holes too much."

Vlora begins playing a marching tune on her roughly sewn skin bagpipe with decent
style and solid technique.

(Ocelotl nods as he rubs at the pipes, testing the holes.)

Speaking to Vlora, Ocelotl says, "I see. tanks."

Speaking to Ocelotl, Vlora says, "Also... stop holding the sack so hard."

Ocelotl smiles at Vlora.

Speaking to Esther, Vlora says, "Right then."

Have a great day!

[Vazbol]

names and a pronoun blanked out except for one.

***** says, "**** had allies. ****, Alila helped him though I think there was reasons why they helped but I don't know the truth so I won't ask about it."
Alila arrives from the northwest, riding a dark brown mule that is pulling a wagon.
Alila nods in greeting.
Alila heads southeast, riding a dark brown mule that is pulling a wagon.

[Vazbol]

[ESP-GRAY - Sky-Blue]: Please stay safe, Cornsilk.
You hear the deep, echoing toll of a bell in your mind. Your vision ripples as an image briefly forms in your mind's eye:
You find yourself nearing the mountain peaks, a fine view of Ebon Pass can be seen winding below you with a narrow dirt trail stretching down to its road through the thick underbrush and trees. The wooden planked path continues north across the mountainside.
The mental image fades, leaving your vision clear once again.
(You can use the esp rescue command to send a pulse of your personal ESP color in response, in order to alert the dead that you're attempting to rescue them.)
(You recognize that as the Ebon Pass area.)
[ESP-GRAY - Sky-Blue]: Oh,.

[Alila]

On the burning deep red stone oven you see (many things...) a large white towel and a thick copper pot.
[ESP-GRAY - Sapphire]: Fair winds, sky.
You gaze at a large white towel.
[ESP-GRAY - Sky-Blue]: Um, Sapphire?
[ESP-GRAY - Sapphire]: Aye?
[ESP-GRAY - Sky-Blue]: ...There is a towel on the oven?
[ESP-GRAY - Sapphire]: Aye, there is. Keeps it warm.
[ESP-GRAY - Sky-Blue]: Okay.

[Alila]

You lightly conclude, "All of the strongboxes except the fourth, and the only lockbox is far beyond me."
You put a sleek steel lockpick in the double-buckled black leather utility belt that you are wearing.
Echlin dismounts from her long-coated gray horse.
Echlin sits down on some benches.
You close a double-buckled black leather utility belt.
Echlin cheerfully exclaims, "Hello!"
Echlin beams happily!
Speaking to you, Neyah says, "Guess the lockbox lives up to its name."
You laugh!
A small boy skips up to the statue, dragging his poor father behind him.
Neyah nods in greeting.
[ESP-GRAY] * A brief pulse of the color Ice-Blue flickers at the edge of your mind's eye. *
You amusedly ask, "Yes. The lockbox remains locked. But now I wonder, why are chests called chests?"
(Then continuing the conversation a little while later...)
Speaking to Neyah, you merrily ask, "To opening more of them, next time. I hope you have a lovely night. How is your arm?"
Speaking to you, Neyah amusedly asks, "Now, why were the strongboxes refered to with that name when less of them remained closed? What makes them strong?"
Echlin arrives from the north.
Echlin sits down on some benches.
Speaking to Neyah, you lightly say, "The locks, of course. Only my picks were stronger."
Three faint chimes peal through the area, signalling the time.
(Neyah raises up her arm in front of her body, remnants of bloodied bandages and faint bruzing being the last reminders of the injury.)
Speaking to Echlin, you seriously confide, "I use only the strongest lockpicks."
Speaking to you, Neyah realizes, "Ah. That means you were utilizing strongpicks, and not lockpicks. The Strongpicks can be used in place of the pick and chestpick, but only a lockpick can open lockboxes."
A dirty looking man wearing battered armor tries to enter the Founder's Inn, but is barred. A loud argument ensues, and he walks off, muttering about a bath.
Speaking to Neyah, you hopefully say, "This is growing far too complicated. Maybe we can reduce it to boxpicks and chestpicks? or if chests are also boxes, then they can be chestboxes, and we then only need boxpicks."
Echlin blinks.
Echlin confusedly asks, "Whaaaaaat?"
Neyah nods.
You hear the deep, echoing toll of a bell in your mind. Your vision ripples as an image briefly forms in your mind's eye:
From the west a road opens up into a clearing filled with several small cottages. One of the cottages has a shallow layer of a deep green moss growing on its roof. A few of the cottages have burned down or collapsed.
The mental image fades, leaving your vision clear once again.
(You can use the esp rescue command to send a pulse of your personal ESP color in response, in order to alert the dead that you're attempting to rescue them.)
Speaking to you, Neyah concernedly asks, "But won't we end up just creating strongchestboxes and lockchestboxes?"
(Shailah glances in Echlin's direction only once and her wide-eyed hopeful expression dissolves into uncontrollable giggling, which abruptly cuts off.)
Echlin squeaks, "Er..."
[ESP-GRAY - Deep-Cerise]: Ice-blue?
Echlin covers her face with her palm.
Speaking to Neyah, you delightedly say, "They are all still boxes. So the boxpick reins supreme."
You worriedly ask, "Do, ah either of you know where this might be?"

[Divos]

After a glorious battle at the Tarueka Farm Cellar, Divos investigates it once more seeing the corpse of an infested stony-plated rock lizard. Being the paranoid goofball that he is. Divos searches the area about eight times before figuring it's all clear. Shrugging the thought away he stabs the flesh of the lizard to skin it.

skin lizard
You begin skinning the corpse of an infested stony-plated rock lizard with your leaf-bladed steel knife with a leather-wrapped hilt...
The corpse of an infested stony-plated rock lizard suddenly explodes in a fiery blast!
45 fire damage to the right eye!
19 fire damage to the left eye!
12 fire damage to the head!
12 fire damage to the neck!
23 fire damage to the chest!
31 fire damage to the right arm!
28 fire damage to the left arm!
34 fire damage to the right hand!
29 fire damage to the left hand!
You are sent hurtling through the air and land painfully on the ground!
11 crush damage to the left hand!
You are stunned for 5 seconds!

After the room is done filling with fire, and throwing him into the ceiling. Divos makes a hasty advance in the other direction, clearly not retreating, before yelling ouch! Blood gushing from his head he quickly bandages it.

This is why you don't poke dead things.

[esthy]

Zoe asks, "Is zeldy alright though?"
You transfer 2 items from the large diamond-bladed bar cutter that is on the ground into a cedar-planked wagon.
You remove a small bronze-bar from inside a cedar-planked wagon with your right hand.
You put a small bronze-bar in the large diamond-bladed bar cutter that is in the room.
(energy -25)
** The world around you goes black as you fall unconscious!
(yeah.. uh.. what about me? I'm not alright)

[Zeldryn]

I just couldn't let this dissolve into the ether.

[ESP-GRAY - Salmon]: I'm quite a psychotic and unreasonable person. no shootings for me.
[ESP-GRAY - Argent]: No, you're a fish.

[esthy]

Zoe says, "The both of you got it, and thats all that matters, all we need to know."
Aelarra nods slowly.
Zoe exclaims, "If we ever found out what the it is, our innocent minds, would end up, broken and corrupted!"
Shukura blinks.
Speaking to Zoe, Aelarra asks, "We are innocent?"
Speaking to Aelarra, Zoe exclaims, "We sure are!"
Zoe nods.
(Aelarra nods dubiously.)
You stare.
Speaking to you, Shukura says, "It is okay. I do not understand what they mean."
You say, "It's... just... a knife.."
Shukura blinks.
You say, "And money for the knife."
Shukura says, "Knife... it is a knife."
Speaking to Shukura, you exclaim, "Yes!"
Zoe asks, "It sure was, what did you expect it'll be?"
Speaking to Zoe, you say, "A knife."