Kalimn's Journal
Posted: Sun May 25, 2014 2:30 pm
May 25th - Light’s Day
Today I have discovered so many things about myself. It has become apparent that I hate the person I am. From childhood, I was told that in order to keep a clan thriving I needed to watch. I needed to see the nethrim, to know what they do, to know how they cause a person to suffer. Like my grandfather and his father’s brother watched. We were honored and cursed. No one knows this. They see a quiet man capable of wielding things they should be afraid of. They think he is strange, downcast, or plotting. if you ask me, I would say I am alone. My comrads are thinkers, researchers, creators, yet I wish only to prevent the loose creatures of nether from hurting others. However, to gain knowledge I must dirty myself with the study of the dead and dying. I must tamper with the souls of the ones I wish to protect. When I spoke to Jilliana last, I said I am a reaper nothing mor. She admonished me to see something more than this, but it seems that I can be neither friend of the light, nor accept fully what I am; a sorcerer. I only wish I could express the sadness I feel in a way that someone understands.
Today I have discovered so many things about myself. It has become apparent that I hate the person I am. From childhood, I was told that in order to keep a clan thriving I needed to watch. I needed to see the nethrim, to know what they do, to know how they cause a person to suffer. Like my grandfather and his father’s brother watched. We were honored and cursed. No one knows this. They see a quiet man capable of wielding things they should be afraid of. They think he is strange, downcast, or plotting. if you ask me, I would say I am alone. My comrads are thinkers, researchers, creators, yet I wish only to prevent the loose creatures of nether from hurting others. However, to gain knowledge I must dirty myself with the study of the dead and dying. I must tamper with the souls of the ones I wish to protect. When I spoke to Jilliana last, I said I am a reaper nothing mor. She admonished me to see something more than this, but it seems that I can be neither friend of the light, nor accept fully what I am; a sorcerer. I only wish I could express the sadness I feel in a way that someone understands.