For Humor

[Gorth]

An infested marauder thrusts at guardsman Radley with his pine spear!
guardsman Radley whips his blanket around the incoming blow, throwing off the attack!
A solid yank on the spear pulls attacker off-balance!

What a household name.

Guardswoman Samia swings at an infested knoll yeti with her copper glaive!
15 pierce damage (60%) (chest)
Piercing strike driven clean into the chest. Shish-ka-yeti. *mortal*
An infested knoll yeti chokes out a final strangled roar before falling to the ground with a heavy *thud*.
An infested knoll yeti stands up.

"Wait! I'm not don-- urgh."

An infested marauder thrusts at Aegeus with his pine spear!
blocked!
Aegeus's destrier is spooked by the attack, bucking its rider!
A blue roan Viali destrier glances around frantically for somewhere to flee!
A militia soldier stops a blue roan Viali destrier and informs it that it can't pass while its identity is disguised.
a blue roan Viali destrier briefly removes its face covering to show its face to the guard and is waved through.
A blue roan Viali destrier heads south.

I have nothing for this one. no clever jokes

[verel]

That last one was absolutely hilarious. Probably the funniest thing I've seen on CLok in a good while. I'm just imagining the horse biting off the straps of the bridle. I definitely love this.

[Xanthe]

Chione/Calandra smiles brightly. "I cooked for you!" She exclaims to Zeldryn. "It might not be warm now, but it's better this time, I think."
Speaking to you, Zeldryn curiously asks, "..Seriously?"
Chione/Calandra pulls off her backpack and rummages around in it, nodding at Zeldryn. "Yes!"
Zeldryn nods slowly, but shrugs his shoulders easily. "I mean. Hells. Why not, right? What'd ya' try to do?"
Chione/Calandra pulls out a wrapped hunk of deer meat and unwraps it. It looks a little charred, and smells heavily of pepper, basil and a little bit like honey. "It should be good as long as you eat around the really black parts," she says, smiling warmly at Zeldryn as she hands it over.
Zeldryn tries his best to maintain his poker face as he takes the meat in hand, but it falters slightly as he smells the spice. He glances over the blackened parts, and he slowly appraises it again. Then, shrugging his shoulders, he takes a sizeable bite, and chews thoroughly. He makes it most of the way through the first bite-- still chewing, when he starts to make a bit of a face. "I.. Uh.." He attempts, mouth still half-full. "...Wow."
Chione/Calandra beams at Zeldryn and leans back in her chair. "I have a little bit more so you won't get hungry later. It's really nice that I can cook for you now."
Zeldryn glances down at some seared deer meat again, parting his lips-- but at the sight of Chione/Calandra's smile, he returns it, and takes another sizeable bite. His teeth catch the edge of a blackened section, and his poker face falters a bit--, and he dips the tips of two fingers inside of his cheek to pluck out a particularly hard shard of burnt edge as he continues chewing. "I'm not going to act like you, um," He pauses, swallowing with a large mouthful of beer. "Like you don't need to practice, still. But. I'd be lying if I said this wasn't better than last time."
Zeldryn innocently attempts, "..I can. Um. Taste.. The love?"

[Smoothcoffee]

Gotta be sure the directions are clear, these pumpkins don't know what's comin'....

[ESP-GRAY]: A midday-blue entity savagely explains, "You beat it into submission! Beat it until it gives up the ghost. Then you beat it some more! Then you claw out the guts and set them on fire!"
[ESP-GRAY]: A tide-blue entity slowly asks, "Midday? Did ye have a nightmare again?"

[Zeldryn]

You take a closer look at a trident-and-lightning-wielding man statuette atop a polished stone pedestal in the area...
The statuette depicts a massive bearded man with an impossibly huge chest and muscles, a wrapping of tangled seaweed around his waist. In his right hand is a large trident, a lightning bolt gripped in his left.

Zeldryn rubs a bar of juniper-berry soap in between his hands until he's amassed a reasonable pile of bubbles, arranging it into an approximation of a juniper-scented beard below his chin. He does his best to mimic the posture of a trident-and-lightning-wielding man statuette atop a polished stone pedestal, putting a particularly stupid look on his face as he does. He makes sure to puff out his chest to ridiculous bredth. He's so damned skinny it doesn't come a fraction close to the overly exuberant muscular physique a trident-and-lightning-wielding man statuette atop a polished stone pedestal displays.

Zeldryn turns to face Chione directly with a no-nonsense expression. In his best, surprisingly approximate impersonation of Rakar, he proudly begins, "I..." Pauses for effect, then finishes with, "...AM mighty."

*SEVERAL HOURS PASS*

[ESP-GRAY]: A sapphire entity informs, "Jade. Hate to break it to ya', mate. but we're gonna' need you to change yer' hue to somethin' blue. Yer' throwin' off the symmetry."

You sense other auras connected to your current ESP network:
midnight-blue tide-blue frosty-blue
morning-blue turquoise jade

[Gorth]

A black cat with white accents approaches doorway in the south wall, but one of the inn staff stops her and says, "Sorry, that lounge is for Shadgard Outriders only."

[Zeldryn]

A black cat with white accents climbs in via a rough-carved palisade ladder (upward).

[Rosalin]

Had a fun little discovery with a legacy item.

sheath
You put your cedar quarterstaff in your burnished leather staff sling.

look sling
You take a closer look at a burnished leather staff sling that you are wearing ...
A primitive yet difficult-to-wield weapon, the sling consists of a simple pouch between lengths of
cord used to launch stones. Clumsy and ineffective in untrained hands, the sling can nonetheless be
extraordinarily accurate and deadly in the hands of an experienced wielder.

Wait a hot minute. That doesn't seem right.

examine sling
You carefully examine a burnished leather staff sling that you are wearing ...
A primitive yet difficult-to-wield weapon, the sling consists of a simple pouch between lengths of
cord used to launch stones. Clumsy and ineffective in untrained hands, the sling can nonetheless be
extraordinarily accurate and deadly in the hands of an experienced wielder.
It is a huge item, mainly made of leather.
It can be worn in the shoulders inventory slot.
It is a container that can hold staffs or polearms only.
It can be used to shoot foes with stones and bullets.

combat
Your potential combat rolls wielding a burnished leather staff sling:
Ranged: 142
Dodge: 259

I think it's going to be slinging things a little bigger than stones and bullets. Does this count as hurling?

[Rias]

Don't forget to submit a bug report on that one!

[Smoothcoffee]

I think the templar are going a little too hard. They didn't understand the assignment. I'm sorry, lil buddy.

You thoughtfully say, "At times, I've seen others request to have their limbs broken. Do let me know if that is something you would like."
A spectral watcher floats northwest.
Water slowly drips off you, though you remain drenched.
You thoughtfully clarify, "To have their opponents' limbs broken, I mean."

[Zeldryn]

You continue climbing upward and are about halfway up ...
A <very mean lady> looses an arrow at you with her longbow! Ranged(rofl):lmao vs Dodge(haha(-10x)):hehe = ouchies (92%)
59 pierce damage (69%) (chest, cuirass)
Piercing strike driven clean into the chest. Shish-ka-man. *mortal*

A cold, quiet nothingness overwhelms your consciousness as life flees your failing body ...

========================================
[OOC: You have died, but this isn't the end! For more information on the game's death system and OOC advice on what to do next, type help death]
========================================
You just can't seem to manage that in your ghostly state.
[You stop climbing up a wall (downward).]
[
A decent fall with a chance for minor injuries.]
[Earth, Apparently] (OutUr) Late Evening, Cold, Cloudy, Calm
There appears to have been recent work done to clear the debris and obstructions from this small side alley, actually allowing enough space for unimpeded travel between the destroyed buildings to either side heading towards the north. The displaced rubble hasn't gone far, simply stacked on top of other remains to create a haphazard barrier that appears, at points, that it wouldn't take much disturbance for it to all cascade back down while blocking the view of the rest of the city. One new and obviously recent addition to the narrow route is a sturdy iron-reinforced #gate, constructed between the two mostly intact husks of buildings to prevent further progression.
You're barely able to see at all in the near-complete darkness. The area is mostly quiet.
Also here: (npc)a renamed mob who was renamed to preserve the identity of this area (moderately-armored, carrying a ball-and-chain and a shield, bloody) and (npc)Her likewise renamed sidekick Larry(moderately-armored, carrying a spear and a shield).
Obvious paths: south, an iron-reinforced gate (closed), a crumbling building wall (upward).
[
You land steadily on your feet!]
[You are staggered *and stunned* for 2 seconds!]
[You are no longer staggered.]
[You are no longer stunned.]

info
You are an insubstantial wandering spirit.

A renamed mob who was renamed to preserve the identity of this area heads south.

l
[Earth, Apparently] (OutUr) Late Evening, Cold, Cloudy, Calm
There appears to have been recent work done to clear the debris and obstructions from this small side alley, actually allowing enough space for unimpeded travel between the destroyed buildings to either side heading towards the north. The displaced rubble hasn't gone far, simply stacked on top of other remains to create a haphazard barrier that appears, at points, that it wouldn't take much disturbance for it to all cascade back down while blocking the view of the rest of the city. One new and obviously recent addition to the narrow route is a sturdy iron-reinforced #gate, constructed between the two mostly intact husks of buildings to prevent further progression.
You're barely able to see at all in the near-complete darkness. The area is mostly quiet.
Also here: (npc)Her likewise renamed sidekick Larry (moderately-armored, carrying a spear and a shield).
Obvious paths: south, an iron-reinforced gate (closed), a crumbling building wall (upward).
Her likewise renamed sidekick Larry heads south.

info
You are an insubstantial wandering spirit.

[#GAME] <Spectrum> HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

[#GAME] <Spectrum> Beware my power. Zeldryn has transcended the limits of mortality.

[#GAME] <Spectrum> ..You guys wanna know what's even funnier about this

[#GAME] <Spectral Spectrum> ..I still have this title

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=82ANkjVEpYk

[Zeldryn]

You also notice a wooden storage crate (open), some wanted posters hung on the Town Hall, a wooden trash barrel, a large post board, some copper steam pipe conduits, a series of small steam spinners, and a snowman (scuffed).

a snowman (scuffed).

Nice

[Gorth]

Also here: (npc)[[a bog body]] (severely damaged, sluggish, under attack, under attack, under attack).
Obvious paths: west, northeast.
> ATTACK command queued.
You fend off an attack from a bog body with your falchion!
A bog body falls to the ground in a lifeless heap.
(energy -5)
Attack whom?

Whelp. Guess he gave up. Winner by technical knockout?

[esthy]

Here I was, covering my ears up all nice.
You pull the hood of your deeply hooded mottled ivory wool robe down over your eyes.
You pull the hood of your white hooded wool cloak (closed) down over your eyes.
You put a burgundy cotton hood on your head.
You see a hooded hooded hooded very tall slender woman (yourself!).

Best bug ever