For Humor

[blindndangerous]

This was from an email that was sent to the gamers list I'm on. Am I missing some shop that I've just never seen?
Nothing I've tried making out of branches has sold anywhere at all, neither the market nor the pornshop, though I've tried everything from spindles to walking sticks.

[Sneaky]

This puts Super Mario to shame.
You hurl a wooden mallet at an infested laborer!
(+*****) (!) 600 bludgeon, chest, cuirass
The broken leather cuirass has broken entirely and falls to the ground in a useless heap!
Several broken ribs driven into the chest! Shish-ka-laborer.

[blindndangerous]

[CHAT - Hali 's comet]: So guys.
[CHAT - Holten Likes To Run Up Hills Singing!]: So Hali
[CHAT - Hali 's comet]: We're gonna have a new member in our household.
[CHAT - Xenos the Grave Digger]: Oh?
[CHAT - Hali 's comet]: we just found out
[CHAT - Vailon]: yeah. since like, we play clok a lot and we like you guys we wanted to tell all of you
[CHAT - Xenos the Grave Digger]: Oh my god you aren't going to have little pitter pattering feet in nine months are you?
[CHAT - Hali 's comet]: i'm really sad ben's not on for this
[CHAT - Vailon]: mmm, well, in nine months we probably will, yeah.
[CHAT - Vailon]: if all works out, anyway
[CHAT - Hali 's comet]: well. i'm sure it would be more than nine months before the pitter pattering.
[CHAT - Xenos the Grave Digger]: *screams*
[CHAT - Xenos the Grave Digger]: Oh my god oh my god oh my god.
[CHAT - Vailon]: but he's coming tomorrow. my cat is getting a little brother or something
[CHAT - Hali 's comet]: rofl
[CHAT - Xenos the Grave Digger]: *falls over twitching*
[CHAT - Xenos the Grave Digger]: THat... is not... that is not what Imeant!
[CHAT - Scout Cullen the Grave Digger]: hahaha, they got ya good xenos.
[CHAT - Vailon]: lol!
[CHAT - Hali 's comet]: love you, Xenos. That was just for you, honey
[CHAT - Xenos the Grave Digger]: *twitches more*
[CHAT - Xenos the Grave Digger]: Love you too Haliface. Shoud have known, and I fell for it.
[CHAT - Xenos the Grave Digger]: Ben would be laughing his butt off too.
[CHAT - Xenos the Grave Digger]: Congrats on the new kitty?
[CHAT - Holten Likes To Run Up Hills Singing!]: Yep, someone should put this on the humor board.
[CHAT - Hali 's comet]: his name is muskrat.
[CHAT - Xenos the Grave Digger]: Cuuuute.
[CHAT - Hali 's comet]: Yeah, apparently Vailon's brother is like yeah, it's good for our cat, but he's a big softy and he fell in love with a kitty
[CHAT - Scout Cullen the Grave Digger]: I'll put it up on the board.
[CHAT - Hali 's comet]: omg...
[CHAT - Vailon]: yeah so my brother calls me and is like what would you feel about getting a new kitty? it would hopefully help this one lose a bit of weight and not be so happy and he's a cool cat and he loves to play and she would bennafit. pssssh he just totally wanted a new kitty
[CHAT - Xenos the Grave Digger]: I still want the cat named Sarah from the shelter here in town.
[CHAT - Hali 's comet]: i hoep they don't like go all territorial, and hate each other
[CHAT - Xenos the Grave Digger]: Agreed.
[CHAT - Hali 's comet]: Then alll you'll hear is riar, hiss, riar, crunch

I also gave this to Tangela on Skype. Her chat to me goes like this. I don't have the original chat anymore, so I'll have to do it from memory.
Tangela: Oh my god!
Tangela: Little Hali's running around?
Tangela: Wait...
Tangela: Oh...
Me: They got ya too huh? ;)
Tangela: *glares*

[blindndangerous]

[ESP-GRAY - Argent]: Lys, I should like your permission to gain admittance.
A little bit later...
[ESP-GRAY - Red]: Thanks again ardor for the new toy. It's super powerful.

[Zoiya]

[ESP-GRAY - Red]: Thanks again ardor for the new toy. It's super powerful.

Bzzzztt...

[Lavi]

Npcmail Adam&Eve confirm

[garith]

It all started on the afternoon when I was traveling at night across a scary road in an area (I forgot the name) when I happened to see a sign of wich I had the misfortune of reading. The sign read:
"The lost lands brought to you totally by Rias and clok GM's."
I asked myself "what does this mean?"
Who is this Rias and Clok GM's?
My world was falling a part.
I found myself suddenly teleported to a to some non-descript room and a man appeared in front of me.
He said" Garith, I got a confession to make for you."
I said "Who are you?"
He said "Oh, by the way I'm vinze. This world you live in it's virtual (not real)."
I said "that's very funny vinze."
He said "in fact, this world is just a peace of code (written in python I believe) on somebody's server. You and I are just code puppets."
I said " prove it then."
Vinze opened a window and I saw a square thing that lights up, and a rectangular thing containing many buttons (with alphabet rearanged). They both attached to this humming square box with "CLOK" in big bold letters.
I said "That doesn't prove anything."
Vinze said "with equipment like this they can do anything to us or the world."
Then, out of no where big soft brown square things rained down from the heavens and 30 of them hit my head.
I exclaimed "But I'm in a room with a roof!"
They were soft yet for some reason they hurt me horribly.
Vinze said from the floor "guess they decided to prove their point by making it rain couch cushions. (a recent human invention)."
I helped him to his feet.
I said "and what was it about us being puppets?"
Vinze said "notice those puppet strings around your body?"
I said inquisitively "What?"
Another window opened and I saw my back with strings coming out of my neck.
I said"How did they get their!"
Vinze exclaimed "Follow the puppet strings."
I followed the strings which were real long all through the wilderness and then I aproached a giant window. (These darn windows are everywhere aren't they!)
Through the window I saw another square humming box with a lighting thing and rectangular thing with loads of buttons attached. Pressing those buttons was a man with dark hair and for some reason his box was talking.
I asked myself "How does this weirdo control me?"
Vinze popped out from nowhere and said "he just presses buttons look!"
I looked and saw the man pressing buttons and spelling fell pine.
I said "wait I don't want to fell the pine."
My arms were moving by themselves.
I said "Stop this!"
I heard the man say "come on I need to raise Garith's logging to 150 today."
I said "I want to be a powerful warrior not a powerful tree cutter."
I fought with the urge and finally stopped chopping trees.
The man said "How dare you like not listen to my commands."
He struck the rectangular thing furiously and then I found myself chopping trees left and right faster then ever before.
I heard him laugh and say "I'm the player your the character get your place straight. For like not listening to me I'm going to log till a tree falls on you and kill you."
He said "How do you like it."
Fifteen trees later one finally finishes me off by clunking me in the head. (One fell on my left leg, and another on my right leg before but that jerk made me continue).
While I was waiting for my body to be saved (curse that maniac). Vinze popped up again.
He said "Do you believe me now? Do yah, Do yah, Do yah!"
After that, my life was never the same.

[Vinz]

I'm confused if I'm being used for narration or villainy, but eh, kind of sounds like me. ;)

[Sneaky]

You put a pile of manure in the heavy porcelain mixing bowl that you are holding in your left hand.
You remove a handful of ash from the silver-latched black suede carryall you are wearing with your right hand.
You put a handful of ash in the heavy porcelain mixing bowl that you are holding in your left hand.
You remove a thick wooden spoon from the silver-latched black suede carryall you are wearing with your right hand.
You mix the ingredients in your heavy porcelain mixing bowl hoping for some nice dough. x12
You mix the ingredients in your heavy porcelain mixing bowl hoping for some nice dough.
The dough looks mixed enough to try to bake.
In the heavy porcelain mixing bowl you see some fully-mixed dough.
You remove some fully-mixed dough from the heavy porcelain mixing bowl in your left hand.
You carefully examine some fully-mixed dough...
You see nothing particularly unusual about the fully-mixed dough.
It is a tiny item, mainly made of flour.
end roundtime
[CHAT - Jaster in Training Coanid the Undertaker]: I demand the title the transmuter. I just turned manure and ash into dough.

[Jaster]

I knew those cookies were special.

[Makkah]

Foul.

Kinda brings new meaning to the culinary treat of "doo-doo cookies"

[baerden]

23:15:59 [ESP-GRAY - somecolor]: Dong ok, Baerdon?
23:16:04 [CHAT - someone]: doing, doing
23:16:37 [CHAT - Philosopher Baerden]: lol
23:16:52 [CHAT - Philosopher Baerden]: esp yes someone, my dong is fine, thanks for asking

[olive]

Speaking to you, Laroremas asks, "'ow much riln y'got to yer name?"
You are carrying 2 riln.
Speaking to Laroremas, you politely murmur, "I have enough."

Today was so much fun.

[Laroremas]

Speaking to Aslaug, you ask, "What, two thousand, or two riln pieces?"

I KNEW IT.

[blindndangerous]

[CHAT - Niki]: If ya haven't voted today, maybe ya should!
chat but niki, what if they don't know the site? Where can they go to vote?
[CHAT - Isen is a legend]: but niki, what if they don't know the site? Where can they go to vote?
[CHAT - Niki]: I dunno, isen. Why don't you tell us?
chat well, you can go to http://www.topmudsites.com/vote-clok.html and cast your vote to help bring new players into this beautiful mud that we all enjoy!
[CHAT - Isen is a legend]: well, you can go to http://www.topmudsites.com/vote-clok.html and cast your vote to help bring new players into this beautiful mud that we all enjoy!
[CHAT - Niki]: There you have it, ladies and gentlemen. Vote for Clok, today!
chat It won't cost you a thing!
[CHAT - Isen is a legend]: It won't cost you a thing!
[CHAT - Knight Maric]: but what do we do when we get there?
[CHAT - Taric]: least we are back in the top 20
chat why, you just click the link that says vote for clok and that's it!
[CHAT - Isen is a legend]: why, you just click the link that says vote for clok and that's it!
[CHAT - Knight Maric]: but it's so easy! there must be some catch.
[CHAT - Niki]: That's right, taric. and if you vote today! That might change! So vote for Clok this evening and feel really good about yourself!
chat no catch whatsoever, all you have to do is click that link!
[CHAT - Isen is a legend]: no catch whatsoever, all you have to do is click that link!
[CHAT - Knight Maric]: no subscriptions or anything?
chat not a one!
[CHAT - Isen is a legend]: not a one!
[CHAT - Taric]: (and sell your soul to spider-man)

[Jaster]

Fun with verbs.

You reach into ******'s (item description omitted) and pilfer 10 riln.
Roundtime: 5 seconds.

prop
You strike a pose in the shadows.

[criticalfault]

Absolutely -nothing- can dim Luvela's spirit or stop her! NOTHING!


Her head is moderately damaged.
Her back is scraped.
Her abdomen is scraped.
Her right arm is badly damaged.
Her left arm is scraped.
Her left hand is severely damaged. (bandaged)
Her right leg is lightly damaged. (bandaged)
Her left leg is lightly damaged. (bandaged)
She has an arrow (x6) lodged in her.
She is covered in gore!
She appears to be unconscious.
She is covered in blood!

EGAvd>
bandage luv right arm
You retrieve an untreated gray linen bandage from your flame-stitched dark cordovan leather rucksack.
You carefully bandage Luvela's right arm.
Roundtime: 2 seconds.

EGAvd>
bandage luv back
You retrieve an untreated gray linen bandage from your flame-stitched dark cordovan leather rucksack.
You carefully bandage Luvela's back.
Roundtime: 2 seconds.

You retrieve an untreated gray linen bandage from your flame-stitched dark cordovan leather rucksack.
You carefully bandage Luvela's left arm.
Roundtime: 2 seconds.

EGAvd>
Luvela slowly regains consciousness.

Luvela sits up.

Luvela exclaims, "We won!"

[Fayne]

You say, "I can't shoot for crap."

a light yellow coral lizard arrives from the northeast.

Sona retrieves a whittling knife from her blue hooded oilcloth cloak.
Sona begins butchering the skinned corpse of a vivid orange coral lizard.
Sona's butchering yields a chunk of raw lizard meat.

You chuckle.

Sona's butchering yields a chunk of raw lizard meat.

fire
A light yellow coral lizard attacks Sona with its claws!
claws (++) (M:125 vs D:*** P:***) 1 rake damage -- to the right arm, greatly deflected by some scaled leather vambraces.

You remove a redwood iron-bodkin arrow from your silver-throated dark brown leather quiver and nock it to your lithe chestnut flatbow.
You fire a redwood iron-bodkin arrow at a light yellow coral lizard! (+++++) (!) (R:*** vs D:101) 47 pierce damage - to the neck!
Piercing strike hits the jugular and death quickly follows.
A light yellow coral lizard has been defeated.
Roundtime: 5 seconds.

[Kathryn]

[ESP-GRAY - Shadowy-Gray]: Coanid will sit here and watch big milk bubbles walk by.

Coanid found a new word for boobs. Go Coanid!

[Fayne]

Speaking to Sona, Luvela says, "If you want, i can try and, give your new lock a test to see if he done a good job."

Locksmith Normand says, "Lady, i am standing right here."

(Fayne tries to cover a grin with her hand.)

Speaking to locksmith Normand, Luvela says, "Good, so i can either shout at you, or, praise you for you skills and effort."

(Little bit later...)

Speaking to locksmith Normand, Sona exclaims, "Thanks a bunch! Bet you did a great job on the lock!"

Speaking to Luvela, locksmith Normand says, "Try away sister. You ain't gonna beat that lock."

Speaking to Sona, locksmith Normand says, "I'd tell them folks who was in your house before to toss away their keys, ain't gonna do no good to them now."

Luvela says, "Lets try this then."

Luvela puts an exquisite iron rapier with a silver hilt in the aquamarine-studded teal leather scabbard that she is wearing.

Luvela takes off a pair of callous leather gauntlets.

Luvela puts a pair of callous leather gauntlets in the leather backpack inscribed with a howling wolf that she is wearing.

Luvela removes a common steel lockpick from her fine leather belt.

Luvela settles into the task of picking the lock on a dark stone chateau with her common steel lockpick.
Luvela stops picking the lock on a dark stone chateau as you hear a soft *click* come from the chateau.

Locksmith Normand asks, "So, why you got a lockpick there? You a locksmith or something?"

You laugh at Luvela.

Luvela opens the door to a dark stone chateau.

Locksmith Normand says, "Huh..."

Speaking to locksmith Normand, Sona asks, "How much for an upgrade?"

Locksmith Normand snickers.

You giggle!

Locksmith Normand says, "Seems i dun made a mistake with them tumblers..."

[Jaster]

You notice a deep black wraithleaf fern trace the flight path of your lead shot back to your hiding spot.

[Jirato]

go arch
You try to go through an arch, but your way is blocked by a tan and white beagle!
[OFFDUTY]EAvd>

I don't know why, but I found this hilarious.

[Lavi]

That cute puppy gonna kiiiiiiiiillll yoouuuuuuuu!

[Fayne]

No no, see, the puppy walked in front of him and he managed to stop before he tripped over it and made quite a scene. Thus, his way was blocked.

[Sneaky]

You take off an intricately-folded silk carryall.
You ask Flint for the details on a travel ration.
The travel ration is a lump of dry, bread-like substance that is resistant to spoiling.
The travel ration is a lump of dry, bread-like substance.
There are about 7 bites left.
It is a small item, mainly made of some kind of bread.
It weighs 0.2 pounds.
Flint would be willing to give you the item in exchange for a blue diamond.
If you want to buy it now, type order confirm.
You sigh.
You remove a blue diamond from the intricately-folded silk carryall in your right hand.
You open a double-buckled black leather utility belt.
You put a blue diamond in the double-buckled black leather utility belt that you are wearing.
You ask Flint for the details on a travel ration.
The travel ration is a lump of dry, bread-like substance that is resistant to spoiling.
The travel ration is a lump of dry, bread-like substance.
There are about 7 bites left.
It is a small item, mainly made of some kind of bread.
It weighs 0.2 pounds.
Flint would be willing to give you the item in exchange for an aquamarine.
If you want to buy it now, type order confirm.
You remove an aquamarine from the intricately-folded silk carryall in your right hand.
You put an aquamarine in the double-buckled black leather utility belt that you are wearing.
You ask Flint for the details on a travel ration.
The travel ration is a lump of dry, bread-like substance that is resistant to spoiling.
The travel ration is a lump of dry, bread-like substance.
There are about 7 bites left.
It is a small item, mainly made of some kind of bread.
It weighs 0.2 pounds.
Flint would be willing to give you the item in exchange for a ruby.
If you want to buy it now, type order confirm.
You remove a ruby from the intricately-folded silk carryall in your right hand.
You put a ruby in the double-buckled black leather utility belt that you are wearing.
You ask Flint for the details on a travel ration.
The travel ration is a lump of dry, bread-like substance that is resistant to spoiling.
The travel ration is a lump of dry, bread-like substance.
There are about 7 bites left.
It is a small item, mainly made of some kind of bread.
It weighs 0.2 pounds.
You don't have enough items to trade for this order.